To me, Twitter is this little town of totally crazy awesomeness. It’s a place where I get to express myself completely through the written word, and I am so much better at saying things by writing them down than by speaking them aloud. It’s a place where I get to listen to the conversations of others and join in, no questions asked. It’s a place where I get to choose who I’m surrounding myself with and strategically plan who I’m going to be within this little sphere. And it’s a place where I can connect instantly with intelligent, warm, caring, compassionate, funny people all over the world — instantly. It also just so happens that 75% of the totally crazy awesome stuff that’s happened in my life recently has been a direct result of connections made on Twitter. Meeting one of the writers I most admire in the whole world? Twitter. Reconnecting with this totally awesome outrageous feminist genius friend who was merely an acquaintance back in high school? Twitter. Getting free life coaching from somebody whose services I would totally pay for if I could afford it right now anyway? Twitter.
Which brings us to my point. One of my favorite self-improvement-ey bloggers is a life coach. Her name is Dian. Coach Dian, to be exact. Doesn’t it have a fantastic ring to it when you add the Coach to the front? Well, a few weeks ago, she put out this innocent tweet saying that she was giving away free life coaching to anyone who identified as a member of the LGBTQ community (that’s Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer/Questioning, for you non-Gender Studies nerds). While it sounded way too good to be true, I immediately emailed her. I needed a coach. I was buried under too much work, I didn’t know where I was going with my writing, and I thought I might want to learn about becoming a coach myself, but I just couldn’t afford to invest in one right now. I was in need of guidance, bad.
To my complete and utter astonishment, Dian was for real. As you can see on her website, she’s committed to the LGBTQ community in a big way. So here I am, in my second week of coaching with her, identifying my values in life and having crazy smack-my-forehead epiphanies the day after our sessions. Something Dian said last night hit me in a big way, right away.
When you say yes to one thing, you’re saying no to something else.
Whoa. I mean, whoa. When Dian said this, I had to write it down in my journal. I had to take note. I had to remember this. It seemed like one of those truths, one of those precious feathers of wisdom that should be passed down through generations by grandmothers. It applies to nearly everything in my life, nearly every move I make and every decision I belabor.
When I say yes to going to a mainstream blockbuster movie that makes fun of LGBTQ folks, I’m saying no to spending that time in a way that actually aligns with my values. When I say yes to writing a blog post, I’m saying no to a couple hours of Facebook browsing. When I say yes to chatting with my coworkers, I’m saying no to shutting them out.
This nugget of wisdom I received last night from Dian is especially wonderful to me because I chose two words to guide me through 2010. One of them? Yes. After last night, I feel better prepared to make informed, strategic decisions about how I choose to use that “yes” as I move forward. Instead of saying yes to everything, I have an excellent tool to help me weigh my options and figure out whether committing to this thing takes me where I want to go in life, represents who I want to be.
What about you? What are you saying yes to this year? At the same time, what are you saying no to?
One of my favorite things about coaching people is watching them in the “a-ha” moments. There’s something so beautiful about holding you naturally creative, resourceful and whole…I just love that from our conversation last night you got this out of it. A paradigm shift can be so slight in its beginning, but be so significant hours and days and weeks down the road.
As for your question…I’m saying yes to recreating my files and no to agonizing about it. I’m saying yes to growth, and no to being a stagnant couch potato. I’m saying yes to helping others, and no to being all about the money.
Thank you so much for sharing this learning, and for the kind words about me and what I’m doing. It’s so worth the time to in my community and for my community.
Kylie, I am heading right over to Twitterize you when I’m done commenting – because anyone who adores Dian is brilliant and wonderful and gorgeous and kind and…well, you get the idea – I think the sun rises and sets on Dian – and I want to friend or follow or whatever anyone who also thinks she rocks (that’d be anyone who knows her, right?)
My yes/no answer: I’m saying yes to any and every-thing that affirms that who I am (and who anyone else is-but i have to start w/me – like the oxygen mask on an airplane) NOW is better’n OK – who I/we am/are NOW is wonderful, beautiful, miraculous and glorious.
I’m saying NO to anything that makes me (or anyone else) feel smaller, less-than or blech. A big NO!
“When you say yes to one thing, you’re saying no to something else.”
Wise words.
This year I’m saying yes to making my own projects and collaborations happen (3 or 4 to be completed by the end of the year), which means I’m saying no to a whole bunch of other people’s projects.
Last year I played on 15 albums…which is awesome. But as a result, I didn’t make the time to record my OWN. This year I’ll still play on other people’s albums, but not quite as many now that I know my priorities.
I look forward to hearing about more of your epiphanies.
Dian: I think it’s pretty amazing that I’ve already had so many “aha” moments in just a few sessions of working with you. It really is a great feeling to have someone guiding you, leading you to new ways of thinking about conundrums you’ve been mulling over for months. Good for you for what you’re saying yes to this month. All of those sound excellent.
Karen: Yay! Twitterize me, lady! Those are some stupendous things to say yes to. I especially love your airplane oxygen mask metaphor. Isn’t it funny how that metaphor applies to so much in life?
Christine: Well, I for one cannot wait to hear more of your very own projects. That’s an issue I don’t usually think about (probably since I’m not a musician), but it’s really interesting. Good for you for realizing the value of collaboration, as well as the value of your own creations.
I love this post Kylie. I am saying yes to being present and no to technology when with the people I love. I wasted to much time last year on my phone and replying to emails. I am going to use technology during my personal time to reach out to those far away who are important to me other then that I am turning it out when with those who are near by.
Terra: YES! That is wonderful. I try to make it a part of my daily practice to be present with the people I’m with. It’s becoming normalized to not be present, and I just can’t be satisfied with that. And I, of course, am very excited that you’re reaching out to those of us who are far away.
[...] to something else. Maybe even a great many things. What are you saying yes and no to?*check out how the whole yes/no thing affected one of my amazing clients a few weeks back. //LinkWithinCodeStart var [...]