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Monthly Archives: June 2010

what i mean when i say Queer

A couple weeks ago, Amna wrote a post about desi, and what that word means to her. This inspired me to start thinking about the way I use queer, and I thought it might be useful, both for me and others, to take a closer look at this word that signifies so much.

I first encountered queer at the LGBTQ center in college. It must have been pretty early in my college career. I’m guessing I was in my second semester as a freshman, when I first started trying to meet people on campus who were more like me than the students in my music classes. Queer was introduced as an umbrella term (a queer umbrella! an umbrella of queer!): something that encompassed lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, questioning, and any other identifier we wanted to pool in there. Queer was less awkward than LGBTQ, the string of letters our parents didn’t understand and we sometimes mixed up as it rolled off our tongues. Queer was inclusive. It meant that you didn’t have to sum up your romantic and sexual practices with a word that already had decades of stereotypes built into it.* It allowed for fluidity of gender and sexuality. This concept of fluidity was groundbreaking for minds that had, up to this point, been schooled in classical literature and algebra, where the binaries of right/wrong, either/or, and black/white were assumed as reality.

Queer made people pay attention. It was the reclaiming of a word that had been used, historically, as the most base insult to a community in hiding. (Still, when I use the word around my parents, who grew up in the fifties and sixties, it throws them off.) Similar to other words that subcultures have reclaimed, queer has a very different meaning when used by those who have reclaimed it than it does when hurled at us by the mainstream.

Queer is an expression not only of a community reclaiming a charged word, but of a revolution. When I say queer, I don’t just mean it as an adjective that describes your or my gender or sexuality as different from the norm. I also mean to identify, through queer, a subversive quality. I’m talking about a tendency to embrace lifestyles that run counter to mainstream culture. Urban gardening can be queer. Veganism, certainly. Bicycling places instead of driving to them, fat acceptance, sex positivity, rethinking consumption habits: all these could be thought of as queer ways of interacting with the world.

When I say queer, I almost always mean awesome. I unapolagetically intend queer as inclusive. No matter who you date, no matter how much or little of a freak you are, I say you can identify as queer if you want to. There are no requirements to join, and the door is always open.

*If you’re interested, there was a great article in the most recent Bitch Magazine that addressed how identifying as lesbian is becoming less common (and being replaced by words like queer).

capacity

There’s this thing called capacity. I’ve heard of it. I’m aware it exists. And yet I forget, over and over again, that it applies to me.

Case in point: the state of my current commitments. I work full time as a grant writer. I just started an Etsy shop. Oh, and while I was at it, I started to offer portrait photography services. But because, clearly, having a full time job and starting a business wasn’t enough, I started a two-year coach training. You know; just for kicks.

At the same time, life is happening. There are births and holidays and sicknesses. Ends of jobs, ends of lives, terribly final events that are part of life but in a way that just isn’t fair. There are tears already shed and waiting to be shed. At a certain point, it all becomes too much.

I’m familiar with that edge where too much teeters over into falling apart. And yet I pretend it doesn’t exist. I thought it was a good idea to join Dian’s Self-Evidence and Authenticity Blog Challenge. It focuses on introspection, and it’s an opportunity to share with other introspective sorts of people and, well, how could I pass that up? Then along came 21.5.800. How could I not put my name on that list, as well? All the people I follow online (you know, the cool kids) were doing it, and it would be another lovely chance to meet people, similar to Gwen Bell’s End of 2009 Blog Challenge, which connected me with some wonderful people and experiences. Plus, it consists of yoga and writing. I love yoga and want more of it in my life. I do a lot of sitting between my day job, writing at home and editing photos. It seemed impossible not to join.

Finally, one day last week, it occurred to me (as if this was really a revelation instead of an obvious fact) that I couldn’t possibly do all of this. And when I say “it occurred to me”, I actually mean that I started sobbing with the heavy fear that I was sinking back into depression. By putting my name on those last two lists, I had given myself more pressure than I could bear. After a day or two of mentally tallying the hours available to me each day, I finally understood that I might just need to let go of these two online challenges, as much as I’d love to participate fully in them. See, there’s also this thing called hanging out and doing nothing with your girlfriend that’s pretty great and rejuvenating. And, when it comes down to it, infinitely more important than the completion of a challenge.

The reality is that I’ll never be able to do everything. While balance is incredibly elusive, I need time for sleep, rejuvenation, and doing nothing. I need time to do the dishes while blasting Savage Garden from the speakers. No matter how many activities I pile onto my plate, I’ll still be missing more. You’d think I would understand this after six years of living in New York, but it’s a lesson that just won’t sink in. I need to make peace with the fact that what I’m choosing to do is what’s right for me. Reducing my commitments means opening to the opportunity to fully engage with each commitment I choose. Fewer furrowed brows, more laughter and inspiration.

Maybe this month I’ll manage to sneak in more yoga than I otherwise would have (actually; this already happened with a few poses at the gym last week). Maybe my intention to do more writing through 21.5.800 will transfer, serendipitously, to more writing, even if it doesn’t add up to 800 words per day. Maybe letting go of commitments won’t be quite so painfully hard next time, since I’m working the muscle by letting them go this time. Maybe talking about this will be an opportunity to learn from others about how they honor their capacity.

Whether you’re a blogger, a student, a parent, or anything else, how do you relate to this idea of capacity? Do you ever struggle to identify and respect how much you’re able to juggle? Any tricks you have for making sure you don’t start sinking under too many commitments?

prancing unicorns (and some portraits)

A couple weeks ago, I had the opportunity to photograph a wonderful blogger named Alexandra Franzen. You’ve probably heard me talking about her here and on Twitter, but if you haven’t, here’s her deal: Ms. Franzen is a freelance copywriter specializing in resume design, public broadcasting and personal branding — with a kick. She’s a great resource for those of us who can’t fit ourselves into boxes, whether because we’re fiercely queer, obsessed with television vampire dramas, or just can’t get enough glitter and stilettos. Needless to say, photographing Alex was a barrel of fun. I supplied some bubbles, and she brought along a neon toothbrush as a prop. I wanted to share these photos with you along with some more Alex fun, so Ms. Franzen kindly obliged to do an interview to share the things that tickle her most.

K: I’m really intrigued by the photos you selected from our shoot together. What did those ones convey about you that made you like them best?

A: I’m 25, and I have a pretty “young” looking face. By which I mean, a whole lotta cheeks! I also have small eyes, like a crab. Haha! So for my headshots, I wanted photos with a more “mature” look (read: minimal chipmunk cheeks) and wide-open eyes, like an anime character. In other words, I’m extremely vain.

For my full body pics, I wanted photos that were a little quirky and stylized. I’m a former dancer, and I have a very distinctive, boundy gait. In my everyday life, I tend to leap around, gesticulate wildly and pose like a runway model. Hence, the doorway shots / toothbrush shots / graffiti wall shots.

K: You have a confidence online (and in person, too!) that I think is really compelling. Are there any particular experiences growing up or in your professional life that helped you become comfortable with showing who you are and sharing your skills with the world?

A: I come from a family of performers — my mom was a professional opera singer, my brother is a jazz musician, my sister-in-law is a violinist, and several of my cousins are songwriters as well. As a teenager, I was a major drama geek and competed in theater competitions several times a year. I’ve always felt very comfortable in front of a crowd, in high-pressure meetings, or entertaining a small dinner party group. I think the art of conversation is tremendously undervalued. Learning to improvise and command attention has served me well!

K: I tend to believe that the things that make people extraordinary are the little actions they perform on a regular basis rather than grand, one-time experiences. Do you have habits or practices that help you stay on the right track to doing exactly what you want to be doing?

Oh, hell yeah! I’ve written on my blog about the practice of keeping a “future resume” — a list of accomplishments that you absolutely intend to do, and have already “done” in your heart. Writing goals down is very powerful, and saying them out loud to yourself — even more so. Mantras, people! Mantras!

I stay organized with my Moleskine day planner — ‘cuz I’m a trendy hipster like that — and I write little notes to “Future Me” throughout its pages. It’s nice to stumble upon those notes after I’ve forgotten about them. One recent note said, “Hey Alex! You’ve been full-time freelance for 60 days. How stoked are you?” Real stoked.
K: What are the blogs you like to read, and why do you love ‘em so?

A: My daily blogroll includes:

Gala Darling — Ms. Darling is a style icon and major advocate for creative self-actualization. I got to meet her on a recent trip to NYC, and she’s just as charming in person as she is online. Actually, she bought me the orange toothbrush that we used in my photo shoot!

Nubby Twiglet — For powerful, cohesive personal branding and clever typography, Nubby Twiglet is a genius. She’s been a freelance graphic designer for about two years, and her posts about juggling projects and self-discipline are pure inspiration.

Yes & Yes — My friend Sarah Von runs this blog, and her spunky articles on travel, cheap thrills and non-traditional careers always make me smile. She’s doing a wonderful job of monetizing her online following with calendars, karma cards and other products, while staying true to her core audience (young, college-age women with minimal disposable income). I contributed a two-part guest article a little while back called “How To Hustle Like A Gangsta.” Good times.

Twelve22 — Another real-life friend! Anna Torborg is a calm, creative presence in my life. She mainly writes about her domestic life: gardening, running, sewing and baking. Recently, she made me a custom unicorn dress, with a mauve petticoat! She’s a crafty genius, and her blog is like a soothing beverage for your eyeballs. When I need a break from hardcore career endeavors, I turn to Torborg.

White Hot Truth — Danielle LaPorte is the high-priestess of entrepreneurship. I love her bold, concise prose and clean, minimalist aesthetic. I did a video-interview with her about creative self-promotion back in April, which was a total honor.

When I Grow Up — Michelle Ward is my bombtastic career coach. She helped me make the leap from 9-to-5-er to freelance superstar … without going bankrupt, or bonkers. I cannot recommend her services highly enough. She’s the bee’s knees.

I also adore webcomix — particularly Questionable Content, DAR (which ended recently! Weep!) and Rooster Tails, which is drawn by my wonderful friend, Sam Orchard.

K: Alright. I want to know what makes your sparkles shine. What activities, shows, books and people really light your fire? Hint: RuPaul is probably gonna be part of this answer.

ACTIVITIES: Breakfast!!! It might sound mundane, but one of my favorite things about going freelance is that I don’t have to rush out the door in the morning with half a bagel hanging out of my mouth. These days, I wake up when my body naturally wants to, make a delicious carafe of French Press coffee, and artfully arrange fresh fruit and cereal and toast on a tray. It’s a small luxury, but it’s one that puts me in a grateful, satisfied space for for the day.

SHOWS: I’m wildly obsessed with RuPaul’s Drag Race. Getting to meet RuPaul in person would probably cause a catastrophic heart attack. I’m kind of a sucker for any show with LGBT themes — and thank god, more mainstream shows are including queer characters these days, so we’re not relegated to vintage episodes of The L Word and Queer As Folk!

On the non-LGBT front, I secretly adore Breaking Bad, which is about a high school chemistry teacher who becomes a bad-ass meth dealer. Meth is TERRIBLE, people. Never, ever do it. But the show is unbelievably well-constructed and gripping to the max.

BOOKS: Anything by Rumi, Oscar Wilde, Ayn Rand, or John Steinbeck. So … mystical-dandyism with a splash of staunchly individualistic Americana?

PEOPLE: My ferociously loving family. My kick-ass career coach. My hilarious friends. My wonderful, immensely supportive girlfriend (she listens to me babble about resume design concepts for hours and hours, and never tells me to shut my pie hole). And my virtual family — the bloggers, Tweeters and online journalists who praise my work and promote my blog entries, videos and contests. My online tribe is small, but ferocious. Hugs!

Alexandra Franzen is a freelance copywriter specializing in resume design, public broadcasting and personal branding — with a kick. You can find her blogging up a storm at Unicorns for Socialism and tweeting away at @alex_franzen. New clients, assignments and article requests are always welcome. Shoot an e-mail to alexandra@alexandrafranzen.com

If you need some photos that reflect your gorgeousness back at you without being cheesy or fake, I’d love to book a session with you. Send me an email at kylie.springman@gmail.com, and we’ll talk about how to capture your beautiful self on (digital) film.

a giveaway for a blogiversary

I’ve been very lucky to meet some wonderful people, both online and in person, since I first started blogging a couple years ago. That’s one of the great things about having a blog — it’s a terrific vehicle for finding like-minded people you never would have found otherwise. Often, the funny thing is that those people end up being right there in your very own city.

One of the new blogging friends I’ve made is Michelle Ward, the When I Grow Up Coach. To be truthful, I don’t know how I found her blog. I’m just glad I did. Michelle has introduced me to tons of great stuff. Through her, I got connected to Alexandra Franzen, whom I got to meet and photograph last weekend and whose blog, Unicorns for Socialism, brings a daily dose of glitter to my life. Michelle was also the one who originally piqued my interest in ICA, where I’m now learning to be a coach. And she keeps on posting fun blogging events on Twitter that I can’t resist, such as Blog Out Loud 6, an event happening in a couple weeks where Michelle will be a panelist and where I’m giving away a free portrait session for a blogger (worth $350, by the way, and Blog Out Loud is free to attend, if you’re interested).

Mostly, though, I’m glad I met Michelle because she’s fun and funny, incredibly talented, and generous as can be. This week marks her second Blogiversary (HAPPY BLOGIVERSARY!), and she’s celebrating with a full week of incredibly awesome giveaways from all the talented folks she knows. I feel very lucky to be counted among the artists and other rockin’ small business owners who will be giving things away this week. My contribution is a 5 by 7 print of that pretty purple flower up there, which you can win by heading right on over to comment on Monday’s giveaway post. The really exciting point that you need to remember here is that you can win all the goodies by commenting at Michelle’s blog, and that you’re allowed to comment every day. This means you have a terrific chance of winning something wonderful. So yes. Everyone’s a winner.

In closing: Yay for two years of When I Grow Up wonderfulness! Yay for celebratory giveaways! And yay for winning things! Wahoo!

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Of course, if you aren’t one of the lucky winners this week, you can find this photo and many more in the Effervescence Photography Etsy shop.